I can admit that this past year has been one of my most moody, predominantly sad, years to date. However I don’t think that I can say I am suffering from depression. My roommate sees me gloomy often, people at work notice a difference in me, but still I feel like I am not depressed. Instead I feel the defining factor of why I feel the way I have been feeling is situational and not something that can be mended with a prescription. I am sad because I do not feel like my life purpose is being carried out right now. Instead I am in transition so that I may carry out my life purpose.
A transition describes the period of time in which a process of change occurs. We can experience a variety of transitions, some not as noticeable as others, but we are constantly evolving and adapting to new things. For me, in this space and time, this particular transition is simply proving to be more noticeable which is totally okay, this just means that this transition is a critical one. Experiencing a critical transition can create symptoms associated with depression because it can bring about issues such as motivation, withdrawal, and loss of connection. Especially when living out your life purpose is at the core of the sadness, a quick fix is rarely realistic.
So what do I mean by life purpose. I am referring to all your gifts, talents, and skills coming together and being used to be the best you you can be. Someone may enjoy teaching which includes a vast skill set of communication, public speaking and assisting others, therefore becoming a teacher could prove to be a very satisfying and fulfilling job. Quite possibly a teacher might feel like they are living their life purpose through their work. On the other hand, there might be someone who does not look to their job as fulfilling their life purpose, but instead finds purpose through personal relationships, involvement in their community, etc. Regardless, the basic needs of feeling purposeful and fulfilled are being met. It gets difficult when you can’t seem to align these basic needs.
A friend of mine once told me that depression is realization without transformation and that text definitely got a screen shot. Interchangeably it could also be the lack of realization that could result in sadness. For me, the first statement rung very true. Once a realization is had, the next step is to experience the transition so that the transformation can be a reality. And that is where I feel like I am. I am in this transitional space so that I can hopefully experience the transformation of completely living in my truth and life purpose. It is uncomfortable because my path is not as structured as it would be for a teacher or other such careers, but I recognize that these issues are all part of my journey. Another friend told me that nothing in life is permanent and that life is always progressing even when you feel like you’re not. That also resonated with me because even when I look at the past year and think that I haven’t moved forward, I have been making steps to further my purpose, even if they seem small on the surface. Creating this blog is an example of that. I’m in this transitional time where I am planting seeds and I am slowly getting a handle on using my talents to be the best me I can be. I just know that I have to be patient and positive and understand that this is just a fragment of time that will one day pass.
One more thought. Sometimes I like to think of life as crop circles in a crop field. If you are inside the crop circle, walking through the twists, turns, back tracks and dead ends, it is not until you see the birds eye view where you can truly appreciate the design.
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